Step Children – How to Handle Those That Just Won’t Listen to You.


A step child is a human progeny of your spouse by a previous marriage.  Step children can be inherited in so many ways; they may be children of your husband’s late wife or your wife’s late husband.  Some may be as a result of divorce or a mistake of the past by your spouse.  Whichever way these children emanate from, they are from God and have been placed on your care; therefore you have no choice but bring them up properly to the best of your ability, so that they will become good and responsible citizens. The other reason why you should bring them up properly is that if you do not, they will become a menace to you and your children in the future. 


As the new family begins, on one hand is the new wife or husband who often finds it very difficult to accept these inherited children.  On the other hand, are the step children who are so indifferent and difficult to deal with. Sincerely, the task of parenting step children is a very difficult one especially on the part of the wife.  There are some cases where other members of their dad’s family act as watchdogs, measuring the performance of the new mother.  Some will go the extra mile to encourage the children to go against their step mother.  Peradventure they are adults; they hardly come to terms with the new stepmother and do not give respect to her.

Parenting stepchildren has been a very big problem in so many families and have actually brought division and wars. In this article, I want to point out some steps a stepparent can take to have a better relationship with her step children.

Have an Upbeat Mindset:  Do not be selfish, treat them the same way you could have treated your own biological children.  Anything they are entitled to, endeavor to let them have it including the love and care of their biological mom or dad. You should strive to give them good education and inculcate in them high moral standards the way you will do to your own children.  Put on a cheerful face and forgive them the way you will forgive your own children whenever they offend you.  Look beyond their shortcomings because you have a mission of bringing your family together.


Do Not Try to Replace Their Mother or Father:  These children may have been separated from their biological parent forcefully (either by death or divorce) and the bitterness of losing a parent in that manner will still be hunting them.  They will not find you too comfortable as the new wife or husband of their parent and trying to take the place of that parent will only bring resentment.  Always remember that you are not their real mother or father and can never be, no matter how hard you may try. Also, do not try to persuade them to call you mom or dad as they may see that as a big deal and will try to get at you with that. Allow them to decide by themselves how to relate with you.


Give Them The Opportunity To Grow Like Children: Always have it at the back of your mind that they are only children who are bound to pass through some processes as they grow up.  Do not count every mistake they make as an offence.  Allow them to be children; the younger ones should be given the required training, if it call for scolding, do not hesitate to scold them, but do it with love and the intention of making them better children no matter how unresponsive they may be.  The adults among them should also be called to order when they err and advised accordingly.  Constantly seek advice and feedback from their biological parent on the best way to deal with them.  Try as much as you can to help them become responsible adults, at the long run, they will acknowledge this good gesture.


Avoid Showing Affection in Their Presence:  As much as I agree that public display of affection among spouse is good, doing it in the presence of your step children particularly older ones will cause more harm than good.  So avoid it.  When they see you hug and kiss their mom or dad, it makes them think you are the cause of their parent woes and they will vent their anger on you by being difficult.  I will advice that you endeavor to be more careful when it comes to showing affection to your spouse because of the environment you have found yourself so that you will have a nonviolent home.


In all these, patience is the key.  Time heals every wound including the wound of loosing a parent.  With time, good works and endurance, you will gain their loyalty.

1 comments:

This is very helpful